I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
