You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
