that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
