and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
