His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
