I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
