do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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