my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
