Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
