I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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