You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
