Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
