I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
