what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
