Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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