the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
