i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
