....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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