READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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