i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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