First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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