I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
