u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize