Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
