I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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