Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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