apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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