just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
