i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
