I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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