someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize