after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
