I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
