My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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