So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
