Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
