....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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