it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
