Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
