dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
