why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
