somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
