therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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