while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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