NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
