i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
