I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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