he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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