And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
