after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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