I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
