Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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