The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
