Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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