is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
