Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
