Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
