I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
