i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
