This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
