Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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