At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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