so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
