You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
