i was born a porn star she said
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
