I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
