I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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