And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
