why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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