I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
nutella sex= disaster
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
