I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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