I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
