The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
