I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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