suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
