do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
