maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
