She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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